Funnies – Lucas Electrics


While I was encouraged to be on the university prep track in high school, and I did pursue a STEM degree (physics, thankyouverymuch), I grew up around motorcycles, and cars, and to this day I am jealous of my shop class friends in high school who got to play with the heavy metal, and to have fun.

But, even not being part of that crowd, I had heard of the horrors of English motor vehicles. Whether it was the porosity of their engine castings that led to them only stopping leaking dead dinosaurs when they were bone dry, to the woes of trying to keep a vehicle running with the dreaded Lucas Electrics, a known source for bedeviled trouble on British cars. This is a collection of fun sayings that I captured oh so long ago, and now I share…

Lucas Electrics

The Lucas Electric motto: “Get home before dark.”

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim “sudden, unexpected darkness.”

Lucas–inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas–inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three-position Lucas switch–DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings–SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The original anti-theft devices–Lucas Electric products.

“I’ve had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob…

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

It’s not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm’s Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner “How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?” “He replied, it doesn’t matter which one you use, nothing happens!”

Back in the ’70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn’t suck.

Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas makes the refrigerators.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: “Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.”

Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

Source: The internet circa 2006

About the author


Product Manager in Tech. Guitar player. Bicycle Rider. Dog rescuer. Techie.

By gander


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November 2018

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